With the holiday season and the slurry of festivities and holidays coming up, some of us feel might extra stressed out with the additional responsibilities, the demanding commitments and the change in daily routine during year-end.
Depending on our situations, some don’t get to “take a break” or may even have to undergo extended period of stress during a peak period for business/work. Working mum struggles, do you relate?
Research has shown that despite the party mood of holiday season, 42% of employees see December as a stressful month. Take a deep breath, mums and dads! Let’s take some time to address this feeling of stress relief anxiety that seems common amongst parents, even if we think we are supermums or superdads.
Personally, I’ve been feeling burned out taking on the role of caregiver to my mother-in-law who was diagnosed with nose cancer. Some of you may experience these feelings of caregiver burnout – there are signs and symptoms you should take note of too.
Mums also wear the caregiver’s hat so things can feel heavier on our shoulders and minds.
Do you know the signs of a year-end mummy burnout and how to deal with it?
Firstly, how do you know what a parental burnout is and if you’re experiencing one?
A burnout is a feeling of complete physical exhaustion or fatigue, which affects your physical activity, your mental health and emotional state.
At the end of the year when it seems like time to stocktake on our life, we might feel a little stressed out when things don’t seem to meet expectations and plans.
If this sounds like anxiety to you, here are some signs and symptoms to identify a year-end mum burnout:
- Feeling tired and lethargic both physically and mentally
- Being short tempered over things that the kids or husband do, or don’t do
- Irritable when things aren’t going your way e.g. planned for a year-end holiday but disruption happened
- Often anxious about children’s schedule, eating a balanced meal, missing naps etc
- Recurring headaches
- Finding it hard to concentrate at work
- Falling ill more often
- Gastrointestinal issues linked to stress
- Feeling unappreciated despite dedicating yourself to your family
- Sense of failure, self-doubt and feeling defeated when knowing how others seem to achieve more than you
- Detachment to people especially your friends or even family members because you think they don’t understand your struggles and commitments
- Feel like you’re the one who always has to plan for the school holiday activities or vacation and yet have to be the more involved parent compared to your spouse
- Thinking that nobody really cares about you, the caregiver, because you are supposed to be able to handle everything
- Increasing negative outlook on matters and harbour mum’s guilt whatever decisions you make
- Yelling a lot more at your children or husband, even when you don’t mean to
- Physically tensed and often uptight when things to turn out the way you imagined
- Insomnia or sleep issues
These warning signs of mummy burnout and exhaustion can be dangerous if ignored. If you’re pregnant, de-stress to enjoy a happier pregnancy. Some mamas might already feel overwhelmed and actually be experiencing depression (or maybe postpartum depression if you’ve just had a baby), and this should be addressed early.
Remember that asking for help to offer support is not a sign of weakness when tackling the end of year burnout recovery.
Practical coping strategies to tackle year-end burnout
#1: Recognise signs of burnout
Do you experience any of the burnout symptoms listed above? Are you feeling dreadful at work like you’re never good enough than your best friend or another colleague who’s vying for the same promotion? Everything seems to be getting under your skin and you start seeking an outlet to “destress”. That could include smoking, alcohol or partying the night away to avoid handling your kids.
#2: Assess the changes that you can make
Overwhelmed from having to do the laundry, cook for family, be a top performer at work and yet be a gorgeous wife to your husband? Take a step back to identify the areas that could be changed to improve the situation. How about hiring a domestic helper to take care of the chores and daily meals? Work out your finances to see if it allows engaging a domestic helper and remember to factor in other compulsory costs like maid insurance. Making time for your spouse needs to be intentional as well. Discuss with your husband on expectations and how the family responsibilities can be shared.
#3: Prioritise accordingly
Are socialising events happening too frequently? Pick the ones that are priority and skip the rest. Bringing work home to do over the weekend? Try to prioritise work-life balance e.g. delegate tasks, if possible, or outsource, should budget allows. If work has become too demanding, talk to your supervisor to see how things can be improved. Otherwise, consider looking for a new job that respects your capabilities and present needs for better balance at this point. No time to cook every day? Order tingkat or takeaway without letting mum’s guilt eat you.
#4: Set boundaries
Setting boundaries means saying “no”, so it gives you some personal time to rest, reset and recover from burnout. Decline invitations that don’t value-add to you, especially if you’re already feeling so overwhelmed. Ask yourself – will doing it or going for that event fill your emotional tank or drain it further?
#5: Identify your stress triggers
Is teaching your kid’s dipping Math grades triggering you more than you can help him? Friends showing off about their year-end holiday plans while you’re staying in Singapore? Juggling so much on your own can take a toll on your physical and mental health, making it stressful.
Remember, your kids want a happy mother, not one example of someone who’s always flustered and angry about herself.
#6: Practise stress management techniques to calm yourself
Start by being kinder to yourself and start the new year on a positive self care and note! Practice calming mindfulness techniques, deep breathing exercises methods, meditate, try Yoga, or Sound bath to learn to be more mindful and present, and laugh more! Have you tried Laughter Yoga?
#7: Eat a healthy diet
Year-end celebrations are bound to include food and inevitably unhealthy food, wine and snacks. Establish a healthier balanced diet that nourishes your body and soul from inside out by eating more healthily on other days of the week. With a heathier bod, your mental health becomes one less concern too.
#8: Make time for yourself
Have you forgotten to make spending time with yourself a priority this year? Schedule in time for self-care and make sure to do things that make YOU happy as you round up the calendar year. Neglecting our own happiness bank accumulates and it pushes us to spiral down into a dark hole over time.
#9: Pencil in exercise time
Let it out with some adrenaline and body-pumping sports like Muay Thai, Kickboxing or water sports! No budget for gym membership or in-studio fitness classes? There’s no excuse with these free home workouts to try! Not a fan of exercising? Simple stretching or brisk walking works too. Getting some fresh air and an oxytocin boost from regular exercise does wonders for moods, stress levels and promotes healing too!
#10: Get into a healthy sleep routine
How does an adequate sleep help with burnout? If you’re not getting enough sleep or struggling with insomnia, these can worsen the effects of a burnout. Keep your gadgets away at least an hour before bedtime – work emails or replying to messages can wait. This relates back to Set Boundaries (see point 4) and clearly allocating time and energy for work and rest, while making it known to colleagues or bosses that the workday is over. A restful night also improves concentration, productivity and energy levels the next day.
Going through an end of year burnout can cause you to feel hopeless and like you’ve lost your sense of purpose in life. It’s important to identify such warning signs of a end of year burnout and take charge of it. Here’s to a healthier and happier us for the new year!
