As a mum in Singapore, my days are often a balancing act managing work, my children’s schedule and enrichment classes and the other roles I play. While being a mother is a blessed gift, there are days I find myself stretched, overwhelmed and need a breather. I often wonder if I’m ready for a child-free vacation either alone or with my husband so we can both take a break and rejuvenate.
Travelling without our kids sounds like a daunting idea and one that fills us with mom guilt and maybe even more stress worrying about the kids are back home. Research has shown that there are many benefits when parents go on holidays without kids. So, if it’s true that going for kid-free holidays can make us a better parent, are you ready to book that trip?
How ready are you for a child-free vacation?
Take the time to consider your options, weigh the pros and cons, and remember that self-care is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. A child-free vacay can be a valuable opportunity to recharge, reconnect, and return home with renewed energy and enthusiasm for the joys of parenthood.
Understand your comfort level
Ask yourself how you truly feel about leaving the little ones behind. Do you have a trusted adult or caregiver support whom you can entrust your children with when you’re away? Would they be able to do the school run, arrange logistical pick-up from childcare and enrichment classes for you? How confident are they do help care for your children during the period of your holiday?
Prioritise self-care and time for yourself
Often, women lose a part of ourselves when we become mothers. It’s also easy to de-prioritise our needs and neglect what makes us happy. Now’s your chance to do what you’ve always wanted to do but had been impossible with the kids hanging onto you. Be it a new experience, picking up a new skill in a different country or indulging in pampering treats on an island, make time for yourself. There are remarkable benefits when trying new things too – improves memory and cognitive health, boosts confidence and acquire new skills – which contributes to your growth and development as a person.
Invest in your relationship with your spouse
Remember that it was “us” before “them”. It’s easy to take things for granted and constantly entwined with the day-to-day, without realising relationship challenges are growing. Making a trip with your husband minus children means full attention for each other, to listen and open your hearts, to soak in the physical presence of each other, rediscover one another… and for some parents, it helps reignite the flames and add sparks to their mundane relationships. When our kids are older and leave the nest, a strong relationship with your spouse will be an important support for both of you.
Assess your children’s comfort level and needs
Are you still breastfeeding your child and he needs to latch on to sleep? Start introducing bottle feeding early as some babies might have nipple confusion and takes time to transit. If your kids are older, talk to them and walk through with them how the days will be slightly different without mummy and daddy around. Find out how they feel and think. Take this chance to assure them, e.g. suggest doing a FaceTime call every day so the distance seems shorter, and you can share what fun you’d been up to.
Naturally, they’re bound to feel uneasy since it’s the first trip without them. Let them know why this couple trip is important for daddy and mummy too – kids do need to see things from others’ perspective so they don’t think that plans must always be made around them. It’s a good idea to share why having a strong marriage is important for the family too, if your kids are mature enough to understand.
Is there a reliable adult caregiver for your children when you’re away?
Are your kids somewhat independent enough and can be in the care of a trusted adult? If you’ve a domestic helper (FDW), do you trust her to be able to run the show? Before your trip, get them (e.g. grandparents or a friend who’s helping out) familiarised with your kids first, especially if this person doesn’t already live in your home or see your kids regularly.
Plan comprehensively
Communication and planning is key to ensuring smooth clockwork running at home when you’re away. Let the adult(s) know what a typical schedule is for those days. What time do the kids need to reach school and be picked up? On a calendar, indicate the kids’ enrichment class timing and addresses and let them know how to get to and fro. Highlight any dietary exclusions especially food allergies or likes/dislikes and medication arrangement. Provide emergency contacts such as your child’s doctor and the nearest A&E, should unforeseen things happen.
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To be honest, the decision to take a child-free vacation is a personal one that should be based on your individual and family’s circumstances and needs. Stepping out of your comfort zone can seem worrying since you’ll be miles away from your kids. However, the benefits of prioritising self-care and investing in your relationship or marriage can have a positive ripple effect on everyone in your family. If you are ready to book your child-free holiday, Don’t forget to buy travel insurance for peace of mind!
