With 2 young children, I’ve experienced several moments that made me feel overwhelmed and helpless at times. Working mum struggles can happen whatever our children’s age and social media may encourage unhealthy comparisons too.
It’s time to know that you’re NOT the only one undergoing such emotional and mental loads!
What are some of the working mum struggles I faced that no one warned me about before?
Mum’s guilt
When it comes to making a decision involving kids, mum’s guilt often hit. Going to work and leaving our kids with a helper/grandparent instead; or, if we decide to hang out with friends after work instead of reading bedtime stories to our kids… do they sound familiar? Mum’s guilt creeps up on us, and we feel bad for not spending our non-working hours with them.
Research shows that having a mum who works benefits kids, so we are doing something good for them in the long run, right? Don’t be eaten up by the guilt – it’s time to reframe our thoughts.
Unable to manage efficiently
Time management is an important life skill, and necessary for working mothers. When my elder son was a baby, I used to struggle with managing the new routine which included feeds, diaper changes, cooking, and housework in addition to my job. We didn’t have a helper and he hasn’t started infant care yet, so my husband and I had to split our time and tasks after work.
Over time, we have a routine of knowing what needs to be done, how to do it and who’s in charge. These days, running the household is almost like clockwork even when we get home from work. Except when the kids are sick – that’s just one of the surprises life can throw at us.
Not asking for help
All mums are super mums! But even a superwoman needs help as it takes a village to raise children.
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, regardless of the number of kids you have. It could be caregivers like grandparents, helper, nanny or infant care/childcare. In fact, working mums enjoy subsidies on infant care and childcare, so it eases the family’s expenses. Schedule “me time” for your sanity – park the kids with someone you trust.
Not prioritising and investing in ourselves
It’s common to hear mums scrimp on themselves but splurge on their kids. Be it enrichment classes or family holidays, the income we painstakingly earn is often spent on them. What about our own well-being? There are ways to be a financially smart mum without neglecting ourselves – weave in self-care and “me time” because mummy’s mental health is important too.
Having good health goes a long way. I started exercising after having my 2nd son. Stealing pockets of time, I’ll cycle or jog to pick up my elder son from school. No time? Consider investing 30 minutes in the morning to do some easy and free exercises at home. Working out doesn’t need to cost an arm, although some mums feel that paying for studio classes or gym memberships cement that commitment, so they must show up! Exercising can also be done before heading to the office or before bedtime to unwind after a long day.
Experience burnout
Is mummy burnout a real thing? Look out for these signs: you’ve turned into a shouting momster, start to resent your kids and/or husband, the slightest things trigger you, you’re constantly feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and drowning in everything, always plagued with negative thoughts… familiar?
Identifying maternal burnout is the first step. Next, find ways to cope and turn things around. You can do it!
Lack of financial knowledge to be in control of our finances
In the past decade, more women are heading back to the workforce and accumulating CPF savings for their retirement.
However, the lack of clarity on financial health will not put one in good stead even with a strong earning power. This could influence future expenses like children’s tertiary education or even your own retirement plans. Take some time to sit down and map things out to have a detailed understanding of your true finances. From budgeting, expenses to investments, having a realistic plan helps bring you closer to your goals or when you stop working. Leave the complexities with an experienced financial consultant – don’t add to your overflowing plate. I’d be happy to support your journey, from a fellow mummy living and raising kids in Singapore.
Scarce chance to spend one-to-one quality time with each child, your spouse or your own parents and siblings
Pencil plans into your schedule and makes things happen!
It could be exploring the outdoors with your kids, or getting up to some fun activities at home. You could take your aged parents and siblings to their favourite dim sum restaurant, or catch a movie together. Want to date your spouse? Read point #3!
Worry about career prospects and job advancements
Taking urgent leave or childcare leave when your child is sick? Not able to work overtime, unlike pre-kids? Some mums have missed out on promotions, and that’s a reality of life. Some women are also holding back on family planning as they don’t feel ready to juggle kids and work. Their bosses may not be “supportive” when they have family commitments which may affect their work performance.
Now that you know these challenges are real concerns for working mums, do share it with fellow mummies and your husbands too. It’s also a matter of adjusting expectations and knowing what works for you and your family, mummies. Know that you’re not alone and if you need a listening ear, I’m just a WhatsApp message or phone call away as we journey through motherhood together.
